Awaiting the pathology report was anti-climatic. The recovery was so easy, a drowsy slow passage of time in relative comfort compared to the agony of previous surgeries. A speedy return to ease in everyday matters, like being able to sit with care with the help of TIM, my inflatable doughnut in it's own designer bag.

Plans are back underway for a planned journey to Alberta for a friend's daughter's wedding. I believe that I will be able to tolerate the 18 hours of car travel. The 10 day visit develops into an itinerary for a VIP. I hope to see as many friends and attend as many functions as possible. I do have qualms about my energy level.

Dr. Miller's call was a shock. Heard the words. Stage 1 invasive carcinoma into the vagina, although there doesn't seem to be any involvement with the lymph nodes yet. I hear her tell me that there's more surgery, immediately. She would like to schedule for mid-September.

I remind her of my holiday plans including the cruise to Alaska that is booked for the end of September. Dr. Miller and I discuss the reality of staging. She tells me that a month is not life threatening, but six months potentially could be. She caringly tells me that she will schedule surgery for early October, as she believes that my state of mind is important to recovery.

Further, then there will be vaginal reconstructive work necessary and she will arrange for a plastic surgeon to assist with the closure. That skin grafting from areas on my upper thighs and/or hip area will be used.

After reeling about in shock for a day or so while Ken and I are looking at each other in disbelief, I grasp at the reality of planning the details for holidays. Arranging for friends to care for plants and pets and home. Business tended to and set aside.

This huge place is in the center of my mind in "OH NO" mode. Then I become almost desperate to see everybody and do everything.

This time, I am in communication with family and friends. I open myself to advice. I research. The search leads me into many wild and varied areas. Information on holistic medicine and life styles pours in from diverse sources. The center of my mind is occupied thinking, sifting, organizing, rejecting, accepting, learning, seeking; intuition is working at extremely high levels and I'm listening.

The mental image forms of the chicken and the pig discussing a breakfast of bacon and eggs. The chicken will contribute while the pig is totally committed. All advice givers are chickens, I am the pig.

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